I must be a DICK!

Okay, so I haven’t posted a blog in the entire month of March? WTF eh? All is well, just got a bit sidetracked and didn’t really find anything that interesting to bitch about. Till now…
My sister fopped a book on me a few weeks ago, gushing about how wonderfully funny it was. She guaranteed I would be LOL’ing at work, which is where I do a majority of my reading. Only one problem. I didn’t find it funny, in fact I think it is safe to say I didn’t like the book much at all.

The story in question is “The Zombie Wilson Diaries”. The concept is that a dude washes up on a deserted island after a plane crash only to find himself in the company of another survivor who has become a zombie. He then ties her to a tree and proceeds to talk to her ala Tom Hank’s style from the movie Castaway. Sounds pretty good eh? Well, though the idea is novel, the notion gets OLD. I mean really OLD really quick! If he would have spent time actually TALKING to her that would have been one thing. But most of the book is spent lamenting about how she is no longer “hot” and how her tits are shriveling or the things he has to do to keep her rotting body clean.

The most annoying thing is how the book is presented. It is written “diary “style. And not even really that well. The first person descriptions go from a surreal past/present/past tense that I think is supposed to give the impression that our survivor does not know how to write at all. However, all it left me with was page flipping and head scratching. Did you put the dress on her or not? Why is she naked now? It makes me think that a man who can write very well was trying to write like someone who never writes at all. It came off stilted and hard to follow.

Then there is the FONT! It is printed in what I think may be Comic Sans Font. The idea was that it would be cute because it is supposed to be a diary right? This may be a novelty to some, but for those of us with any sort of vision problems, it quickly became a headache! I found myself having to put the book down every 20 minutes or so just to refocus my eyes before I picked it back up again and tried desperately to plow through the story to get to the ridiculous ending.

I HATED the main character. And since he was the ONLY character alive in the (majority) of the story it was hard to like what was happening. There was NO character development. He was on the damned island for over a month and from start to finish he remains an immature, superficial, shallow, juvenile TURD. He laments about having to work for a living then goes on about his office. HIS OFFICE? Um, no… try slinging freight at Wallyworld before you bitch about your shitty job. You start the story off on a tropical island vacationing at your company’s expense and you want me to feel sorry for you? OMG, you get jealous over a dude flashing cash and showing off his trophy wife when you would rather buy a playstation then bring your own GF on holiday with you? WTF!!??

I am trying hard not to be mean. I really love zombie stories, hence the name of the blog. But I think throwing zombies into any sort of situation does NOT make a good book. If this had been written a little more objectively, and with a little more background and forethought it may have been a much better read. As it stands, I hated it. And since everyone, and I mean EVERYONE on the Library of the Living Dead forum thinks it is a magnificent work of art, I MUST be a DICK! Sorry sis… your twin sister is a DICK…